Thursday, March 29, 2012

Post Ironman Life

I’m probably the only person who was not excited about the early summer weather. You see, I was hoping my next post after Ironman was … guess what I’m pregnant! We’ll that has yet to happen, hence the reason for my lack of posts. It was a struggle to get pregnant the first time, so I should have known better than to expect it would be easy the second time around. After all, the fertility doctors had the formula of what worked… so this time it should be a piece of cake, right? Riiiight. So now I’m faced with the daily reminder that I am neither pregnant nor a triathlete. I see the oodles of pregnant women come into our building to see the OBGYN. I get to see all the runners soaking up the warm weather. I hate them all. Not really, but I am insanely jealous that I don’t have either right now. I feel like a fraud with my 140.6 sticker on the back, and feel like all eyes are on my ever growing stomach and fading fitness. If I were pregnant I would care less about these things… but I’m not, and after all the hard work put into Ironman it kills me to see my fitness just fade away. 

My approach to getting pregnant this time around was to follow exactly what I did last time. I go to a holistic office that covers nutrition, acupuncture, massage, yoga and more. They helped me to get and stay pregnant with Jack so I follow their advice (along with my fertility doctor) to the T. They say no gluten, then no gluten, they say no running, then no running, they say no swimming then no swimming. All of this since Ironman. It is making my skin crawl, really. For those who have struggled or are currently struggling to get pregnant you know all the stress that comes with this task. Then top it off with no outlet to alleviate the stress. It can really wear on you. The last time I was going through infertility, I did yoga and really embraced it. For some reason, I just can’t do it this time. I suck at trying to get in a ½ hour session of yoga. I often wonder how the heck I got 3+ hours in when I can’t even do one bloody half hour! Maybe I’ll find my love for yoga again? BS – what I need is a nice long run. 

So life after Ironman has been a struggle personally since I am unable to do the things I want. We have one shot left at IVF, and then insurance doesn’t cover the procedure anymore. So I am giving it all that I have until April, when we try again with the medication and doctor’s visits. I leave the results up to God. If we are meant to expand our family then it will happen. If we are unsuccessful, I will be sad, but will start doing the things I love again and continue to try on our own in hopes that one day God will bless us naturally. In the meantime, it’s no gluten, running or swimming. I will learn to like yoga again and I will endure the endless needles and doctor’s visits for the last time. At least there is a deadline to which I will then know what journey my life will embark upon next.

Jack putting his big boy bed together
Even though I complain, I’ve had lots of time to spend with my son, who is just the love of my life. Every day he has me rolling on the floor with laughter. We are potty training now and he is moving along fast. He is such a sweetheart and feels the need to remind me occasionally what comes out of which end. Along with potty training, Jack has moved up to his big boy bed and his independent streak is in full bloom. I have also been able to tend to our beautiful new house. I’ve been painting a room every weekend which keeps me inside and less likely to see the runners in my neighborhood. Probably best for everyone this way. 

Ana- smiling with a PR finish; Mom - waving to Jack; Dave- making it look easy

Last weekend we went up to the March Madness ½ Marathon. It is the unofficial kickoff to the season. My Mom, brother and sister-in-law all ran it. I won’t lie, it was so hard to be on the sidelines, but also very fun to cheer everyone on in the warm weather. What a change from the previous year- 40s and freezing cold rain! I loved seeing all my triathlete friends out there. While most everyone looked miserable, I just kept telling them to enjoy the run. I would have killed to be out there working hard. I had to remind myself that this is temporary and that I will be back. And when I am, look out- I have a fire in my belly! Or maybe it’s just the gluten free bread I ate. 

So to all of you embarking on the 2012 season, enjoy the journey. I will be out there cheering you on- HOPEFULLY with a big pregnant belly! 

If not, I will be back and maybe do some late races this year.

Train Happy, Train Hard – but most important enjoy the journey  
(whatever that is)!


1 comment:

  1. Cheryl! I totally know what the fraud feeling is like! It's a lie!!! Don't believe it! You are doing the very best you can do right now and it is so so hard. Praying for you!